DEFINING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE

DEFINITIONS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE are traditionally associated with physical violence or aggressive behavior within a heterosexual home involving the violent abuse of a man directed at a woman. A more inclusive definition outlines Intimate Partner Violence and Domestic Violence as a pattern of power and control behaviors used in the context of dating and intimate relationships that can take place in any context, not just what is often considered a traditional home.

At its core, Intimate Partner Violence is present when one partner uses aggression to gain or maintain power and/or control over another.

Intimate Partner is defined as: one who you are in a close relationship with that can be characterized by: emotional connectedness, regular contact, ongoing physical and/or sexual contact, identify as a “couple”, familiarity and knowledge about each other’s lives.

Violence and Abusive Behaviors come in many forms, including:

Physical Violence Hitting, Punching, Slapping Blocking, Spitting, Shoving Driving Recklessly Punching walls, Throwing Objects

Sexual Violence Rape of a Partner, Forcing a Partner to Engage in Sex, Non-Physically Pressured Contact, Unwanted Sexual Contact, Non-Contact Unwanted Sexual Experiences, Non-Consensual Intimate Images Taken or Shared, Guilting into Sex with Others.

Stalking Physical, Verbal, Electronic/ Social Media

Psychological Aggression Outing Gender Identity, Sexual Orientation Sharing HIV or Immigration Status Emotional Shaming, Economic Control, Denying, Minimizing, Blaming Intimidation, Threating to Harm Self or Pets

Verbal Raising Voices, Name Calling, Degrading, Silent Treatment

A review of research on IPV and Sexual Assault (SA) among LGBT people found that 28.7%- 56.9% of LGBT individuals have experienced IPV and SA within their lifetime (Brown& Herman, 2015, pp. 2-6). Those statistics are nearly double those of cis-heterosexual demographics and represent only those who reported the abuse as physical

LGBTQ* Cycle of Violence

Tension

Internalized Homo/Bi/Transphobia and Heterosexism

Explosion

Remorse

(D. Shankar, M Case,2017)

While LGBTQ individuals experience the Cycle of Violence similarly to heterosexual persons, the LGBTQ Cycle is exacerbated by and increased in complexity by internalized and institutionalized homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and heterosexism. These present additional challenges to safety and seeking help.

*=Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer

©2016 LA LGBT Center/STOP Partner Abuse/Violence Program

THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE outlines a pattern often experienced in violent and abusive relationships. It is a continuous pattern of three phases that transition or develop into each other. Over time, this pattern escalates and increases in severity. The cycle is broken down into three phases: Tension Building, Explosion and Remorse.

Tension Building: Is a period in a relationship where forms of violence and abuse are less pronounced or unnoticeable. Some minor physical, verbal or, emotional abuse may occur. Often, the person experiencing the abuse attempts to prevent future violence by avoiding conflict, ignoring issues, and minimizing previous incidents. There is often a sense of “walking on eggshells.” As tension builds over time, the likelihood of abuse also increases.

Explosion: An explosion describes the actual abusive incident(s) or abusive period of time in a relationship. An abusive incident can involve any and as many types of abuse, including: verbal, psychological, emotional, financial, physical, sexual, and stalking.

Remorse: Occurs following the explosive phase when an abuser feels remorse and guilt for their behavior. They apologize, promise to never abuse again, and give gifts or gestures to make up for the abuse. The Remorse phase often looks like an idealized idea of love and romance. Over time this phase fades, as inevitable tension begins to build again, perpetuating the cycle. In some relationships, this phase disappears entirely, and cycles oscillate back and forth between Tension Building and Explosion

LGBTQ CYCLE OF VIOLENCE: While LGBTQ persons experience the cycle of violence similarly to heterosexuals, the LGBTQ cycle is exacerbated by internalized and institutionalized homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and heterosexism, presenting additional sources of tension and anger, along with challenges to seeking safety and overcoming violent and abusive relationships.

What are I.P.V. Red Flags?

Considering that intimate partner violence and abuse is a set of patterned behaviors there are significant thematic predictors present in the early stages of a relationship with an abusive person. The predictable behaviors are called red flag because they are warning signs for potential harm in a relationship. The sooner these red flags are spotted the more empowered a person can be to make the healthiest choice they can.

Early Signs Include

The partner has a past of being abusive, aggressive, controlling, or violating the rights of others.

They wish to rush the relationship, want to spend all their time with you, are overly needy and demonstrate controlling behavior.

The other person ignores your boundaries, has a condescending personality and has no friends or relationships with their family.

Common Patterns of Behavior in An Abusive Partner Include

• Change drastically from when you first met

• Disregards your boundaries

• Isolates you from family and friends -Blames you for their behavior

• Forces you to compromise your morals and or safety

• Expresses and acts on irrational ideas and emotions

• Acts more sensibly around others to remain keep up appearances

• Believes they are the only resource of help, love or attention

• Discourages your pursuit of goals; socially, educationally and professionally

You may find yourself

• Changing your behavior to avoid conflict

• Finding yourself making excuses for the other person

• You avoid all conflicts

• You keep saying “but the sex is great”

• Your goal or motive is to help or fix them

  What is a Healthy Relationship?

• DEFINING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHOP OFTEN FEELS IMPOSSIBLE. It is often easier to recognize aspects of a healthy relationship than give a concise and succinct answer that defines one.

Relationships, like people, are inherently different. Hopefully, by highlighting healthy components of relationships, one can be more empowered to define what is a healthy relationship for themselves.

Often a healthy relationship is described as a safe, secure, loving bond that is built on trust, intimacy and communication. Healthy relationships can handle life’s ups and downs. They are partnerships based on respect, honesty and a willingness to communicate and resolve differences.

Aspects of healthy relationships often include

• Trust is the firm belief that another can be relied upon. Trust can also be a person’s willingness

  to accept (and/or increase) their vulnerability by relying on the word of their partner, accepting

  uncertainty.

• Intimacy is not purely physical. It is the act of connecting with someone through the

  vulnerability safely sharing one’s honest emotions, ideas, activities and, physical closeness.

• Assertive Communication is a direct, honest and appropriate expression of one’s personal view,

  thought or opinion that also includes empathy and consideration of the other person.

• Respectful Boundaries are limits and rules created to mutually establish what is ok, acceptable and safe for how partners’ behavior toward and treat each other. Likewise, boundaries declare

  reasonable responses when one violates the established boundary.

• Autonomy is the ability to be in a relationship with another person while maintaining the

  capacity to maintain one’s own personhood such as personal decision making, pursue personal interests, hold a personal perspective.